CO129-425 - Governor Sir May - 1915 [10-12] — Page 693

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684

Iet I was not so at ease any

I only smiled at their foolishness.

more, within myself. I think it was the beginning of the lost of

my selfrespect, that has nearly driven me to the extent of suicide

in Shanghai.

The Boy had given me, except the parcel a code-book in German.

I had wondered one moment how he had got that. I [ueaa, it was a

ende out of use, which the "comité" might have secured at the diplo

atic office of the Foreign Department in Berlin. This code I kept,

thinking it useful as an example to make a Javanese or Malay Code,

for my correspondence from Singapore with my coprades in Java. But

than in Shanghai, in utter disgust with myself, I freed myself of

that too. Op to the moment of our ship, laying in Palmouth, being

visited by British Officers, I had not given more than a passing

thought to the danger of being found in possession of papers, which

must be very compromising for me. And even then it never was quite

clear to me, to what extent here was reat danger. There I never Яīts

dreamt of being such a thing as I had ever despised as the meupe at

on earth: a spy, where I never had the slightest intention to become

even a anti-british revolution-maker, which in war-terms would be

little more than a spy, this point appeared to me of very small in-

portance. Indeed I carried parcel and code quite openly with me

Dow,

and in my letters to Rolland (for the "comité") I did not take any

precautions beyond such as to give some mysterious cachet for the

benefit of the "comité". Thinking this all over,

I indeed

ask myself with amazement, how it can be that the English censor, who, as I presume, examines the mails for Holland too (and surely, with the many outrages in America, especially the American zails for Holland) did not come across these letters of mine from New